Nancy Pelosi: Let me clarify what I meant when I stereotyped tea-party types as Nazis — please don’t throw me out!
Gore: [muttering to himself] Climategate proves nothing; global warming is really happening and is really caused by human activity. All the scientists on my payroll say so.
Kinsolving: 31,000 scientists don’t believe in global warming and 6000 of those have PhDs.
Gibbs: Yes, but they’re all wrong.
Citizen 1: You know, I’ve always loved lying to people. For that reason I thought I’d make a good politician or used-car salesman. But I just learned there’s a better profession for me.
Citizen 2: Wait, let me guess. A global warming scientist at the Climate Research Unit.
George: Actually, here’s how Merriam-Webster defines tax.
Obama: The fact that you looked up the definition just proves you’re stretching its meaning.
Citizen 1: So I’ve decided to change careers.
Citizen 2: Yeah, to what?
Citizen 1: To a community organizer.
Citizen 2: A community organizer? Why’s that?
Citizen 1: Well, I really just want to get into the prostitution business and I’ve heard the easiest way is through ACORN.
Citizen 2: At least you won’t have to change your political association with the Republican party.
Citizen 1: Touché.
Obama: The time for talk is over! The time to agree with me has come!
Citizen 1: Do you know why Van Jones was fired?
Citizen 2: Because he was a big, fat ideologue?
Citizen 1: No, that’s why he was hired.